Funny tweets - quotes taken from TwitterTumblr (3.0; @totaltwit)http://totaltwit.com/<img src="http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lwflsfFlgH1qz8yy5o1_500.png"/><br/><br/>http://totaltwit.com/post/14450417190http://totaltwit.com/post/14450417190Mon, 19 Dec 2011 03:32:24 -0600<img src="http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ls7v2iQ56t1qz7kfko1_500.png"/><br/><br/><p><a href="http://alexblagg.tumblr.com/post/10758362748" class="tumblr_blog" target="_blank">alexblagg</a>:</p> <blockquote><p><a href="https://twitter.com/#!/alexblagg/status/118895392111857664" target="_blank">Love you, Googs.</a></p></blockquote> <p><a href="http://twitter.com/alexblagg" target="_blank">@alexblagg</a><a></a>: Happy Birthday, Google. What do you get the website that already has all of your personal data, banking info and browsing history?</p>http://totaltwit.com/post/10762628021http://totaltwit.com/post/10762628021Wed, 28 Sep 2011 03:43:02 -0600quotefunnygooglebirthdaytwitter<img src="http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lrnllrFw4G1qzsvqyo1_r1_500.png"/><br/><br/><p><a href="http://twitter.com/MarketplaceTech" target="_blank">@MarketplaceTech</a>: Scarlett Johansson did more to raise awareness of hacking in one day than I have in my entire tech journalism career.</p>http://totaltwit.com/post/10330725162http://totaltwit.com/post/10330725162Sat, 17 Sep 2011 15:28:00 -0600celebsnewstechlol<img src="http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lr0bdxxhPx1qz8kajo1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/><p><a href="http://sarahchristine.com/post/9794170266" class="tumblr_blog" target="_blank">sarahchristine</a>:</p> <blockquote><p><a href="http://welcometothisblogbitch.tumblr.com/post/9793216475" target="_blank">welcometothisblogbitch</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p>Currently awaiting reply.</p> </blockquote> <p>The LORD will show her the answer.</p></blockquote> <p><a href="http://twitter.com/CourtneyStodden" target="_blank">@CourtneyStodden</a>: Drenched within a very sensuous Sunday morning! God Bless! “Commit to the LORD whatever you do, and your plans will succeed.” Proverbs 16:3</p> <p><a href="http://twitter.com/ChaseMit" target="_blank">@ChaseMit</a>: @CourtneyStodden I will give you eleven dollars to tell me what you think “sensuous” means.</p>http://totaltwit.com/post/9794341383http://totaltwit.com/post/9794341383Sun, 04 Sep 2011 11:05:00 -0600courtney stoddensensuouscourtney stodden sexually abuses adjectivestwitterfunnyquote<img src="http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lq0titSEgJ1qc6cx5o1_400.png"/><br/><br/><p><a href="http://twitter.com/WillFerrell" target="_blank">@WillFerrell</a>: Sitting in green room with Justin Bieber… must resist urge to roundhouse kick him in his midget face</p>http://totaltwit.com/post/9786699164http://totaltwit.com/post/9786699164Sun, 04 Sep 2011 06:38:18 -0600twitterfunnyquote<img src="http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lqpep53upb1qzdh56o1_500.png"/><br/><br/><p><a href="http://twitter.com/kent_police" target="_blank">@kent_police</a>: we have no reported Godzilla or mega monster activity in Canterbury, or indeed anywhere</p>http://totaltwit.com/post/9553687531http://totaltwit.com/post/9553687531Mon, 29 Aug 2011 13:12:00 -0600twitterfunnyquote<img src="http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lq760nAWZH1qzsvqyo1_r1_500.png"/><br/><br/><p><a href="http://courtenaybird.tumblr.com/post/9169728013" class="tumblr_blog" target="_blank">courtenaybird</a>:</p> <blockquote><p><a href="https://twitter.com/#!/DannyZuker/status/104561848279515136" target="_blank">@DannyZuker</a> </p></blockquote> <p><a href="http://twitter.com/dannyzuker" target="_blank">@dannyzuker</a>: GMA called Kim Kardashian’s wedding “America’s Royal Wedding” in case you were looking for something to write in America’s obit.</p>http://totaltwit.com/post/9170872859http://totaltwit.com/post/9170872859Sat, 20 Aug 2011 11:24:00 -0600americacelebritiescelebsnewstwitterfunnyquote<img src="http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lp9cespuRZ1qz6z0no1_500.png"/><br/><br/><p><a href="http://log.tagsmith.org/post/8343442187" target="_blank">matthewknell</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p>THIS</p> </blockquote> <p>MEEP</p>http://totaltwit.com/post/8356736411http://totaltwit.com/post/8356736411Mon, 01 Aug 2011 16:25:00 -0600twitterfunnyquote<img src="http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lp0frnyiex1qznj5do1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/><p><a href="http://apsies.tumblr.com/post/8141832856" target="_blank">apsies</a>:</p> <blockquote> <p>Oh no they did not!</p> <p>Oh yes, <a href="https://twitter.com/#!/whitehouse/status/96291538044329985" target="_blank">they did</a>.</p> </blockquote> <p><a href="http://twitter.com/whitehouse" target="_blank">@whitehouse</a>: @wiggsd Sorry to hear that. Fiscal policy is important, but can be dry sometimes. Here’s something more fun: [RickRoll video] #WHChat</p>http://totaltwit.com/post/8168484319http://totaltwit.com/post/8168484319Thu, 28 Jul 2011 05:39:00 -0600twitterfunnyquote<img src="http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lount9EoIP1qzdh56o1_500.png"/><br/><br/><p><a href="http://twitter.com/edaross" target="_blank">@edaross</a>: During a programming job interview when they asked ‘Do you know the C language’ apparently ‘I can speak whale’ wasn’t the right answer</p>http://totaltwit.com/post/8007880397http://totaltwit.com/post/8007880397Sun, 24 Jul 2011 12:10:00 -0600twitterfunnyquote<img src="http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ln1fnfCBMl1qzdh56o1_500.png"/><br/><br/><p><a href="http://twitter.com/iamdanw" target="_blank">@iamdanw</a>: “Yo what’s up my tweeps” I bellowed as I sauntered into the twestival, my huge Klout turning heads, heading to the Verified users lounge</p>http://totaltwit.com/post/6686739420http://totaltwit.com/post/6686739420Sun, 19 Jun 2011 06:50:00 -0600twitterfunnyquote<img src="http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lmhbzsZuR61qzdh56o1_500.png"/><br/><br/><p><a href="http://twitter.com/jzawodn" target="_blank">@jzawodn</a>: overheard: The problem with a UDP joke is that you have no idea if people got it.</p>http://totaltwit.com/post/6322420562http://totaltwit.com/post/6322420562Wed, 08 Jun 2011 10:19:00 -0600twitterfunnyquote<img src="http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_llz4v1maLP1qz5pm7o1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/><p><a href="http://twitter.com/almightygod" target="_blank">@almightygod</a>: To most Christians, the Bible is like a software license. Nobody actually reads it. They just scroll to the bottom and click “I agree”.</p>http://totaltwit.com/post/5996862485http://totaltwit.com/post/5996862485Mon, 30 May 2011 04:10:00 -0600twitterfunnyquote<img src="http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_llt85jAqbx1qfgi90o1_500.png"/><br/><br/><p><a href="http://twitter.com/nypost_mets" target="_blank">@NYPost_Mets</a>: Premise for the Hangover 3: Guy wakes up and realizes he bought part of the Mets.</p>http://totaltwit.com/post/5868674491http://totaltwit.com/post/5868674491Thu, 26 May 2011 10:58:00 -0600twitterfunnyquote<img src="http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lldquzlZEM1qzdh56o1_500.png"/><br/><br/><p><a href="http://twitter.com/loudmouthman" target="_blank">@loudmouthman</a>: obligatory comment about fresh sprinkling of rain. Overview of day and demonstration of proactivity. #TweetTemplate</p>http://totaltwit.com/post/5601365573http://totaltwit.com/post/5601365573Wed, 18 May 2011 01:16:00 -0600twitterfunnyquote<img src="http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_llcv69xDLz1qzpwi0o1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/><p><a href="http://tumblr.thedailywh.at/post/5583006467" target="_blank">thedailywhat</a>:</p> <p><strong>Tweet of the Day: </strong>George Takei is <a href="http://twitter.com/GeorgeTakei/statuses/70545188166189057" target="_blank">a goddamn national treasure</a>.</p> <p>[<a href="http://twitter.com/GeorgeTakei/statuses/70545188166189057" target="_blank">@georgetakei</a>.]</p> <p><strong>See Also:</strong> Patrick Schwarzenegger <a href="http://twitter.com/PSchwarzenegger/status/70514210483871745" target="_blank">feels like sh*t</a>, calls himself Patrick Shriver.</p> <p><a href="http://twitter.com/GeorgeTakei" target="_blank">@GeorgeTakei</a>: Schwarzenegger confesses to fathering baby with house staff member, but explains that child is destined to bring down SkyNet in 2031.</p>http://totaltwit.com/post/5584671028http://totaltwit.com/post/5584671028Tue, 17 May 2011 14:52:00 -0600twitterfunnyquote<img src="http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lfbsjxLoIe1qz4j35o1_r1_500.png"/><br/><br/><p><a href="http://bijansabet.com/post/2842208984/love-this" class="tumblr_blog" target="_blank">bijan</a>:</p> <blockquote><p>love this. </p></blockquote> <p><a href="http://twitter.com/lindsaycampbell" target="_blank">@lindsaycampbell</a>: The next person to tweet about “inbox zero” is going to get punched in the face.</p>http://totaltwit.com/post/2845521094http://totaltwit.com/post/2845521094Thu, 20 Jan 2011 14:18:00 -0600twitterfunnyquote<img src="http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lf8b5jYGOs1qzdh56o1_500.png"/><br/><br/><p><a href="http://twitter.com/AndyCronin" target="_blank">@AndyCronin</a>: Twitter= I need to pee. Facebook= I peed! Foursquare= I’m peeing here. Quora= Why am I peeing? Youtube= Watch this pee! LinkedIn= I pee well</p>http://totaltwit.com/post/2812962977http://totaltwit.com/post/2812962977Tue, 18 Jan 2011 11:27:00 -0600twitterfunnyquote<img src="http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ldzp15aSC61qzpfubo1_500.png"/><br/><br/><p><a href="http://twitter.com/VeryShortStory" target="_blank">@VeryShortStory</a>: Timmy used the magic set he got for Christmas to bring the family dog back to life. I paid the vet, again, to put him back to sleep.</p>http://totaltwit.com/post/2458840083http://totaltwit.com/post/2458840083Sat, 25 Dec 2010 11:03:00 -0600twitterfunnyquote<img src="http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ldypede9bt1qz8uqoo1_500.png"/><br/><br/><p><a href="http://twitter.com/alanajoy" target="_blank">@alanajoy</a>: Have I seen the Nutcracker? Yup: every time I look in the mirror, baby…</p>http://totaltwit.com/post/2456503310http://totaltwit.com/post/2456503310Sat, 25 Dec 2010 04:06:00 -0600twitterfunnyquote